BayoJeanne Week - Jealousy
by SilaswereWolfie
Summary: Bayonneta and Jeanne's cat are at constant odds but who will get the upper hand?


_A/N:This one has a bit of a buy-in, it features Artemisa, their daughter from my other fic Barren Ground Blooms in Change (I guess you really only have to know it's their kid, basically but feel free to read!)_

* * *

Jeanne had loved horses once upon a time. Lovely horses, big horses, light and springy horses. If it had hooves, a bad temper and could be saddled she liked it.

With the advent of modern technology and shackles that didn't allow for the sort of long term care of an animal, she had found herself replacing her beloved horses with the roaring charm of motorcycles.

Angel Slayer was a bike all on it's own category, extensively modified and of course, with more magic running through it than a young witch. That being said, sometimes the real world needed more finesse than what equated to a Mad Max chase gone off rails and for the times she needed to look like Ms. D'Arc, mild mannered teacher, other bikes had to do.

Her most recent purchase was a big and bulky touring bike with all the bells and whistles, in an attractive blue and black. It was a…compromise to get Cereza to ride with her and not keep getting detoured for her to flirt at humans.

For her cool teacher Jeanne days she had her tremendously fast streetfighter, slinky and aggressive that went from 0 to 60 in a staggering 2.6 seconds. By all standards, her mortal made pride and joy.

Only had one caveat. The passenger riding position.

Especially if that passenger was seven whole feet of legs, ass and overflowing charisma.

To combat that, a sofa on two wheels was acquired and Jeanne couldn't be happier. Umbra she was, true, but long travel with her streetfighter was like trying to eat angel flesh.

From her position on the curb, she gently buffed the gas tank while humming. It was a deliciously warm sunday and best of all, it was August which meant no kids to put up with (much as she loved them).

A raspy meow broke her peaceful groove and she set down the polish can and rag on the floor. A couple more faint sounds reached her and she followed it to the back of the alley.

"Little one, where are you?" She called in hopes the cat would keep on making noises.

The raspy meow intensified into a full blown distress call and Jeanne called forth her magic. She looked for any energy signature that could correspond to a cat and she found the source of the meow.

A drain grid had collapsed and a young cat was staring up at her, trying to climb the walls and constantly slipping. It was not yet an adult but no longer a small kitten either.

" Oh no, I sure hope you're not hurt." She leaned down and reached into the maintenance shaft, dirtying up her work jeans and tank top beyond further usability.

Cat securely in her arms, she gave them a cursory inspection which revealed a he. He was skinny and was shivering harshly in her arms which made her worry intensify. Poor darling had to have been stuck for a considerable amount of time, if the dirt and mud on his cream and black fur was anything to go by.

"We'll get you home, all cleaned up and maybe fed. How's that?"

Her only response was a little dust mote snuggling closer to her.

* * *

"Cereza, we have a guest today!"

Bayonetta poked her head back into the kitchen from the pool patio outside and gave her a puzzled look. " A guest? I doubt you picked up Luka out of the goodness of your heart, darling so who do we have?"

Out of the two of them, she was much more likely to invite other people over for tea or something of the sort whilst Jeanne preferred to go out with her other friends.

"I found a dapper young gentleman in some dire straits on the Bettencourt's ridiculous drain grid and plucked him from his predicament." Said gentleman purred gently, eyes closing occasionally in clear exhaustion. " I went in with him to and she said he just needed some TLC. Not chipped either, a shame."

"A cat? An actual cat?" Cereza crossed the threshold proper and looked at the muddy ball of fur in her arms. "Poor thing… Come on then, if we managed transdimentional toddler versions of ourselves, I'm sure he'll be in the best hands."

Famous last words

* * *

His human was just the sweetest and incredibly well trained (if he could say so himself) but she wasn't the sharpest claw in the paw.

She kept willingly walking into the water spouting death trap, especially with the annoying one.

Did she not know that having no scent profile was *dangerous*? He thought he had broken her out of that habit with the departure of the other one but that had proven to be just temporary.

What if she went outside only wafting the pungent fragrances humans had, any other cat would not know who she belonged to.

They could even have the gall to approach and rub on her legs! It was a situation he could not stand for.

He trotted to the location of the watering hole, she had been there long enough and he had to improve her habits.

The annoying one noticed him first from her relatively higher position on the turbulent pond. The mating procedures, adorably goofy as they were among humans ( they didn't even rub facial fur), were well underway and she narrowed his eyes at him.

"Jeanne, you keep not closing the door and now the dust mote is here to cockblock again."

He meowed, loud and articulate as he would to unruly kittens and got up on his legs to look at his human. They didn't understand much of their nuances so he had to employ baby talk.

"Heya Golem, what do you need hmm?" She rose up to lay her hand on his head and he stretched as best he could to meet it.

He purred and rubbed his head on her wet hand, getting it scratched by soft nails. "My treasure, did you just want some attention?"

Her colony mate ( who more often than not, stole his human's attention) sighed and got up abruptly, spilling water over his immaculate and well groomed coat.

His angry yowl did nothing to faze her. This was why she was the annoying one.

"Just so you know, it's weird that you baby speak in french to the diminutive Auditio of Chastity"

He ran between her legs while she was trying to find a towel and swiped at her feet. As she turned to curse at him for clawing at her ankles, he was encased in a fluffy towel himself and lifted off the floor.

"My heart, don't be so mean to Cereza. She's just grumpy I'm giving you attention" His human had saved the annoying one from swift and brutal discipline but he found it hard to be mad when she was rubbing his now messy fur.

Snuggling into his human, he purred his agreement.

* * *

The sun on the outside was luxurious and he basked in it for the better part of the afternoon, as it was proper.

He was about to turn for the fifth and final time when the door opened with a near silent woosh that he was highly attuned to.

Oh, his human had to be home! Bolting upright, he meowed in her direction so she knew he was there.

The inside was pleasantly cool and he purred expecting to be greeted in the grabby manner humans usually did but no one came forward.

He sniffed the air, trying to figure out who could be in the colony but it revealed nothing but dust and their wafting herbal scents that lingered around the enclosed space.

When his cursory survey was finished, he was about to take a turn to bite his food when a low rumble sounded from somewhere he couldn't pinpoint.

Assailants! Intruders! His human could be in danger!

He arched his back and hissed in the general direction of the noise. The rumble increased in intensity and darted around everywhere.

Hissing as loud as he could, he held on steadfast under the onslaught of noise.

His bravery held out until the very moment a gargantuan beast landed in front of him and roared with all it's teeth.

It wasn't his most dignified moment, the jump up to the top of the tall fridge but he was clearly outmatched and hoped beyond hope his dear human would not be harmed.

"Cereza! Don't scare Golem like that!" His human was defending him from the beast and he marveled at the ingenuity and heart she had. "Oh little one, come here she cannot harm you"

He was scooped from the fridge, heart thundering and fur sticking all over the place and as the assailant bled into the annoying one, he snuggled into the warm bosom in a huff.

A cat of his status always chose to ignore the mocking noises humans made but he felt a smug satisfaction (something humans seemed to always do) at the scolding his human was giving her colony mate.

What better place to be, than purring away on a soft chest.

* * *

Bayonetta had a feeling…

No!

She was absolutely sure the young idiot Jeanne had picked up from the street about two months ago kept trying to sabotage her.

Why else would he monopolize Jeanne's attention? He was jealous, so *jealous* that she was there first.

Was she too proud to admit she was badly losing a war of wits to an obnoxiously adorable Siamese knockoff? Yes, definitely she was.

Golem was the featherless embodiment of Castitas, of that she was more than sure. Why else would he demand attention at the most idiotic of times?!

If she got home and Jeanne was already relaxing after a long day, usually by sitting on the seat that got most of the afternoon sun, she could well forget getting any sort of affection the little butt wouldn't oppose to.

Oh and Jeanne just coddled him to hell and back, softly murmuring to him in French and making fun of her for getting mad at a young adult cat.

His smug be-whiskered snout was highly unbearable.

She got him good right back ( oh the illusion charm over the pool board had been a riot even if Jeanne had yanked her ears for it) but invariably, her lover always sided with him and what was he good for? Shedding and being Lord Demandypants, that's what.

Part of her wanted to get an even more obnoxious pet just to annoy the living crap out of the discount-store siamese but there was a chance they would ally against her sex life and that wouldn't do.

"Jeanne?" She asked, her exasperation hitting an unprecedented, never before seen level.

"Yes?" She replied with a brush in hand, not even looking her way as the idiot purred and kneaded their (fucking) expensive duvet.

"Not to make this awkward but I was trying to seduce you, oh I don't know, a minute ago?" With a big measure of success too, her mistake had been to exit the room for a hot second to fetch the harness from the pool lounge.

Time the Cardinal Virtue Of Chastity had used to slink into the room and enthrall her previously very willing partner.

"It will literally just take a minute, Cereza. Last I heard, silicone erections lasted a long time." The appreciative inspection Jeanne cast her way was the only thing that saved Golem from having a nasty encounter with her beast within.

"I promise I'll even put my darling little cream puff in quiet time."

Bayonetta tossed her arms up in defeat and stood there awkwardly holding a dildo aloft with her crotch. "Fine but I expect compensation!"

Didn't save the furry brat from having his food eaten right in front of his face from her cat form but that, she kept to herself.

* * *

The littlest one was perhaps the greatest delight of his life. She was remarkably young, as humans measured things, and she was just now starting to realize her own strength.

Her ever increasing life skills usually came at the expense of his tail or ears. She was strong, far stronger than she looked but he was making good progress in teaching her manners.

Well, it was a struggle for her to not slobber on his tail but it was endearing. His human's cub had been contributed by the annoying one but so far, that had yet to show, a fact that pleased him even further.

Said little one was sleeping on the other end of the crib like a kitten while he kept guard on the fluffy pillow nearby. She was hard pressed to do so and was about as nocturnal as a bat and he saw no end of her parents shuffling into the nesting room looking like shambling dogs in the middle of the night.

The late summer breeze wafted in from the open windows and he purred at the coolness of it on his face when whatever was pinned on them fell with a loud smash.

A low whimper started from the human kitten, most likely disturbed by the crashing object. Human made things were always so fragile. He snapped to high alert, inching closer to the little human and giving her hair some gentle grooming.

She quietened down and he nuzzled her soft head in reward, purring all the while which earned him an interested gurgle.

They were both about to settle down again when an odd light burst forth from the window. The little one snapped in its direction and she sniffled again.

He started grooming the fine human fur once more when the jangle of metal sounded on the ledge and he lifted his head.

A red beast cooed and twisted it's grotesque head like a toothy pigeon, hopping into the room with a curious spring to its step.

He growled loudly at the approaching intruder, daring it to come and further but it paid him no mind. His small kitten was crying in earnest as the metallic jangle sounded closer to the nest.

Too close.

Golem was a cat that knew a serious threat when he saw one. He had to protect his humans, had to keep them safe.

Yowling as loud as he could and puffing out his fur, he positioned himself with his ears pinned back between the little one and whatever mangled predator was in front of him.

It glanced in his direction at the noise but was undaunted in its path, leaving large burnt gauges on the floor.

With a massive paw, the thing was going to try to knock down the nest but Golem wasn't about to allow that.

With a decisive jump, he attacked the ugly dog thing with all his bravery.

Bayonetta heard her little girl cry and Golem making his usual mess of things, which had her reluctantly waking up.

Jeanne was out fulfilling her obligations as a witch, after all the ever present clock of their infernal fate never stopped ticking.

Umbra she was, the dark night and all that but she was also half Lumen and nothing quite replaced the sun. Plus all the cutest mommy and me videos did not adequately prepare anyone for the event of shoving the littlest Umbra from a narrow pelvic canal.

A bright, heavenly light spilled the door to the nursery and her eyes snapped fully open, tiredness fully banished and she bolted into a full sprint.

As she yanked open the door, the Fairness was in the process of striking a flaming paw on the aggressively strong ward. A purple shimmer materialized into existence that rebuffed the Dominion back with a strong shove.

Most surprisingly, Golem had jumped quite literally to Artemisa's rescue in a daring flight of courage. He had landed on the big head and scratched and bit at the staggered angel, making them shake their head.

Before she could do some real damage, the draconic angel bit on the young cats arm and tossed him to the ground. Oh, now they'd done it!

With several well placed summons and a harsh volley of bullets, they fell down into a mess of halos and angel bits she'd have to clean up. All in all, not too many damages to the nursery that they'd have to make up some random story to a contractor to fix it.

She knew Artemisa was safe albeit in a very, very bad mood but Golem had taken a hard hit trying to protect his charge. Her heart clenched at his arm injury, the bite deep and ugly.

"Come now, oh principality of courage. We'll tell Wes you got into a fight with a really big dog." She scooped him up as gently as she was able and he meowed in distress in Artemisa's direction. Bayonetta had to admit it took massive courage to stand up to a second sphere angel and even after getting beaten up, he tried to make sure the little one was safe.

Fortunately did house calls and double fortunately, Jeanne would only hear about it when it was resolved. The cellphone conversation about this would not be easy.

The good doctor was baffled at his injuries and was going to take him to the practice for a closer look. She had to do x-rays but his soft tissue damage looked worse than what it was and she was able to stitch him up on site.

As set him in the carrier, she looked at him straight in his good looking blue eyes and nodded.

Maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

"How many expensive cashmere pillows draped with Merino wool does a cat need?" Bayonetta wondered for the fifth time that week, as her most beloved kept piling on finery beneath the obnoxious albeit very daringly brave Walmart brand feline.

The answer right now was on 4 and she had to guess it wasn't the last she heard of it.

To Jeanne, he was the most lionhearted of beings on the planet and she nearly cried three times in Dr. Carter's office even though she assured her it was just a ding and nothing a little plaster and bandages wouldn't fix.

Showing her the clearly only hairline fractured arm on the X-ray had prompted a stricken but still very stoic pair of glistening eyes and even the good doctor was looking at Bayonetta with something that was bordering on panic.

Had he stayed overnight to be observed? Yes. Had Jeanne slept a singular wink? Of course she hadn't

He returned home the next day a little sluggish from his fashionable fentanyl patch but bright eyed and vivaciously blabby, a cute vet wrap bandage in a shocking bright pink and ruby red encasing his arm. Wes had mumbled something about the vet wrap matching her riding gear with a colour to her cheeks Bayonetta had ticked as a blush.

And now there they were, the unbearably smug cat, the little human on her front sling and herself, fielding status report calls every hour from one very worried witch. Her classes had to be going swimmingly that day.

All in all, she couldn't complain. He was willing to risk life and limb for her daughter and… They had reached a sort of understanding.

She reached over into the crib where he and his mountain of pillows currently resided and scritched his chin.

Huh, maybe he really wasn't all that bad after all.

( Maybe she could get Luka to toss himself in front of an Applause and Jeanne would make peace with him as well)


End file.
